2015年2月24日 星期二

【世界著名的教育孩子的12種方法】

【世界著名的教育孩子的12種方法】 我們身邊的孩子所需要的,不只是衣食無慮的生活環境,他們更需要大人陪伴他去“經歷”他的成長過程。

1、給孩子隨性玩耍的時間,不要把生活安排得太有規則 美國兒童教育學者湯姆斯·阿姆斯壯指出,自由玩耍比有計劃性的活動,對學齡前的孩子來說更為健康有益。父母要避免將孩子的時間塞滿各種活動,所有的孩子都需要有一些無所事事,隨性玩耍的時間。

 2、教導他關懷別人 快樂的孩子需要能感受到自己與別人有某些有意義的連結,了解到他對別人的意義。要發展這種感覺,可以幫助孩子多與他人接觸。你可以和孩子一起整理一些舊玩具,和他一起捐給慈善團體,幫助無家可歸的孩子。也可以鼓勵孩子在學校參與一些義工活動。專家指出,即使在很小的年齡,都能從幫助他人的過程中,獲得快樂,並養成喜歡助人的習慣。

3、鼓勵他多運動 陪你的孩子玩球、騎腳踏車、游泳……多運動不但可以鍛煉孩子的體能,也會讓他變得更開朗。保持動態生活可以適度緩解孩子的壓力與情緒,並且讓孩子喜歡自己,擁有較正面的身體形象,並從運動中發現樂趣與成就感。

4、笑口常開 常和孩子說說笑話、一起編些好笑的歌,和你的孩子一起開懷大笑,對你和孩子都有益處。光是大笑,就是很好的運動。

 5、有創意的讚美 當孩子表現很好時,不要只是說:“很好”。讚美要具體一些,說出細節,指出有哪些地方讓人印象深刻,或是比上次表現更好,例如,“你今天主動跟警衛伯伯說早安,真的很有禮貌”。 不過,讚美時也要注意,不要養成孩子錯誤的期待。有些父母會用禮物或金錢獎賞孩子,讓孩子把重點都放在可以獲得哪些報酬上,而不是良好的行為上。 父母應該讓孩子自己發現,完成一件事情所帶來的滿足與成就感,而不是用物質報酬來獎賞他。

6、確保孩子吃得健康 健康的飲食,不僅讓孩子身體健康,也能讓孩子的情緒較穩定。不論是正餐或點心,盡量遵循健康原則,例如:低脂、低糖、新鮮、均衡的飲食。


 7、激發他內在的藝術天份 多讓孩子接觸音樂、美術、舞蹈等活動,可以豐富孩子的內心世界。專家發現,當孩子隨音樂舞動、或是拿著畫筆塗鴉,其實都是孩子在抒發他的內在世界、表達他的情感。孩子喜歡畫畫、跳舞或彈奏音樂,也更易對自己感到比較滿意。8、常常擁抱 輕輕一個擁抱,傳達的是無限的關懷,是無聲的“我愛你”。研究發現溫柔的撫觸擁抱,可以讓早產兒變得較健康、較活潑,情緒也較穩定。對於大人而言,擁抱也能讓人減輕壓力,撫平不安的情緒。

8、常常擁抱 輕輕一個擁抱,傳達的是無限的關懷,是無聲的「我愛你」。研究發現,溫柔的撫觸擁抱,可以讓早產兒變得較健康、較活潑,情緒也較穩定。對於大人而言,擁抱也能讓人減輕壓力,撫平不安的情緒。


 9、用心聆聽 沒有什麼比用心聆聽更能讓孩子感受到被關心。想要當個更好的傾聽者嗎?不要只用一隻耳朵聽,當孩子對你說話時,盡量停下你手邊正在做的事情,專心聽他講話。要耐心聽孩子說完話,不要中途打斷、急著幫他表達或是要他快快把話說完,即使他所說的內容你已經聽過許多遍了。陪孩子去上學途中或哄孩子上床睡覺時,是最佳的傾聽時刻。

10、放棄完美主義 我們都期望孩子展現出他最好的一面,可是有時候太過急切糾正或改善他們的表現。例如:嫌棄他們沒把桌子擦乾淨,乾脆自己再擦一遍;或是糾正他們一定要把東西擺到一定位置。事事要求完美,會減弱孩子的自信心與不怕犯錯的勇氣。 下次當你忍不住想要參一腳,急著幫孩子把事情做的更好時,不妨先想想看:這件事跟健康或安全有關嗎?想像10年之後,這件事還有這麼嚴重嗎?如果是No,那麼就放手讓孩子去做吧。

11、教導他解決問題 從學會系鞋帶到自己過馬路,每一步都是孩子邁向更獨立的里程碑。當孩子 發現他有能力解決面對的問題,就能帶給他們快樂與成就感。當他遇到阻礙時,例如:被玩伴嘲笑或是無法拼好一塊拼圖時,你可有幾個步驟來幫助他: (1)確認他的問題。 (2)讓他描述他的解決方式。 (3)找出解決問題的步驟。 (4)決定讓他自己解決這個問題或提供一些幫助。 (5)確定他能獲得需要的協助。

12、給他表演的舞台 每個孩子都有特有的天賦,何不給他們機會表現一下?如果他們喜歡說故事,鼓勵他多說故事給你聽。如果他對數字很擅長,帶著他去逛街,讓他幫你挑選價格便宜的東西。當你能欣賞孩子的才能,並表現出你的熱情時,孩子自然會更有自信心。 我們身邊的孩子所需要的,不只是衣食無慮的生活環境而已,他們需要大人陪伴他去“經歷”他的成長過程。 網路轉載

2015年2月23日 星期一

Perception is projection ~ 我們所觀察的世界都是我們內心的投射

世上事物的發展,隱含著不少偶發因素,所以難以百分百肯定其中發生的因果和

必然性。雖然有很多不同的理論或經驗告訴我們有甚麼事情將會發生,但這些結

論都無法肯定哪是最好的。我們面對世事的不確定性,是怎樣決定事情的呢?

有一次筆者和太太及岳父岳母一家人上大陸旅遊時,看見對面街有一間買台灣

米線的小店,我岳父一看,就笑說「你們看,是珂士(痾屎)麵線...。」太太跟著

說「才不是呢,是阿士麵線...。」他們就是爭拗不休。一方說「我食鹽多過你食

米」,另一方則說「你是否需要帶老花眼鏡!」試想一下,我太太認為誰是對的呢?

當然是她自己;而我岳父又認為誰是對的呢?當然也是他自己。以過往經驗來說,

他們最少會爭拗一星期。所以我和岳母商討後,決定花少許時間,走到那店舖前

把事情弄明白。最後發現原來上面寫著「阿土麵線」。誰對誰錯?兩個都錯!但最

重要的不是對與錯,而是從中發現我們都不夠客觀。我們都是按照自己的內心世

界來決定事情。

那麼我們的內心世界是怎樣形成的呢?首先,我們的大腦透過五官接收外在的

事件(每秒約2百萬位元),然後,我們的大腦會自動對這些所接收的數據(事件)

進行處理。因為我們在同一時間需處理5-9組事件(約每秒134位元),在這個處

理的過程中會自動的進行刪減、扭曲和一般化。

第一部分:刪減

甚麼是刪減呢?我們的大腦在每秒鐘會接收到超過兩百萬的資訊流,這些資訊

數據太過龐大,因此我們的大腦需要對他們進行適當的刪減。例如在日常生活中

我們很多時候都會「眼大睇過龍」。

第二部分:扭曲

扭曲就是我們對於外面的資訊進行處理的時候,讓這個資訊變成為符合自己的

觀點與角度。上述亞土麵線就是一例。

第三部分:一般化

我們的大腦在處理數據的時候,還會有一個極為重要的功能,就是一般化(或稱

歸納法)。例如一竹竿打一船人。

從上述的模型來看,我們可以從同一的事情(物)上,看到、聽到和感覺到不同的

東西或意義出來。所以在互相溝通的時候,我們的詮釋不一定是對方心中所想的。

所以當我們下一次要判斷對方對或錯的時候,不妨給對方更多空間去解釋。因為

當大家討論問題時,很容易跌入二分思維,就是非黑即白,不是你錯就是我錯。

最常見的例子就是討論(discussion)問題時,可以是兩個都對又或是兩個都錯。所

以如果想有真正的對話(dialogue),我們就必須走出「我的」狹隘思維。因為討論

是有立場的,有可能帶來爭論;而對話則是沒有立場的,是透過聆聽從而帶來理

解。討論常指出對方的錯誤,希望改變對方;對話則以問題的澄清來支持對方。

多點對話,少點討論,可以增加彼此瞭解。

關係本來就是植根於信任,信任的基石就是澄心對話。每當我們打開心窗(澄心)

對話時,對方的說話就如迎面送來的清涼空氣,不再是爭拗。我們必須尊重每個

人的內心世界。人生的事情是多變的,沒有人能夠預計何人何時會有甚麼際遇,

或說出怎樣的話。人人不同,各人所說的都有各人認為的道理。在我們生命旅程

中有很多形形色色不同的人,包括我們的家人、伴侶、朋友、同事、師長、同學,

甚至乎不相識的陌生人。因有他們同行,我們在生命旅程中才不至感到孤單寂寞。

所以當我們與各人相遇的時候,就是一分相遇、相知、相識的情緣,足以為我們

每段人生旅程留下美好的回憶。

種一棵關心的樹 - 從澄心角度出發

種一棵關心的樹 - 從澄心角度出發
The more you like and respect yourself, the more you like
and respect others, and the more they like and respect you.
Brian Tracy 
澄心有靜心的意思,晉陸機「文賦」:「罄澄心以凝思,眇眾慮而為言。」唐王魯复逸句:「清泉繞屋澄心遠,曙月銜山出定遲。」。澄心的狀態給予空間反思:從而能幫助我們更瞭解自己的需要,更瞭解自己別人的需要。
先容許我提出一個問題:關懷/關心是怎麼樣發生的事呢?一般人接受關懷,是有「四步曲」的,首先關懷者從「聽到 /看到」被關懷者所需,繼而作出相關的「關懷行為」,然後被關懷者「傳釋」關懷者行為,隨後是感受到「關懷」(也有可能是別的感受 ),再作出回應── 這不是一個新的說法,但卻是被遺忘的現實。人提供關懷,往往從自身的角度或習慣出發,不能「聽到/看到」被關懷者真所需。關懷者要讓被關懷者感受到關懷,不只是作出一些「關懷者行為」就了事,還要看到對方真正的需要和瞭解被關懷者要如何「傳釋關懷者信息」
現在先談所以如何「聽到/看到」 (關注)被關懷者真所需從而作出「真心的關懷行為」?在關注對方時,在知性以外,還要加上感性。「關注行為」應是在澄心的狀態下感受,才可「聽到 /看到關懷者」真正所需。如果澄心做得不好,被關懷者就沒有可能「感受關懷」。
尤其是對於關懷長期病人的,日復日,年復年。。。 在慣常的日常關懷中,會令我們對真實的感覺,知覺和反應越來越標準化,被動,麻木和遲鈍。對別人的關心變得自動化地習以為常,長久下去,反而會逐漸失去觀察內心真正需要的能力,缺乏敏銳的洞見。澄心的任務,就是要我們習以為常的世界變得活潑。由於澄心地觀察世界是給人一種新鮮及奇特的感覺,這可使我們對身邊的人有一種煥然一新的感覺。這種清新的感覺可能使我們更真實和直接地經驗和接觸到他人真實的內心世界。
(如何達致澄心的狀態:首先留意自己的呼吸和當下的狀態,再給予空間自己及對方,最後是用心及清潔地觀察,聆聽對方。 所以如果我們想重啟我們的澄心狀態是有三個重點的,1) 處境與感受我們需要不了解並且意識到彼此的處境並真誠地表達內心的感受, 從而向對方提出的切的慰問。2) 保護與相信面對這個艱難的時刻, 彼此需要把持一分信念, 就是相信大家的關係並堅守合一的心。3) 喜樂與平安心中要緊記, 關懷的行為是要讓對方感受到喜樂與平安的, 並不是簡單的為了關懷者能夠付出關懷而滿足。)
另外在我們關心別人的時候,我們須留意被關懷者如何「傳釋」關懷者的行為。因為很多時候我們都會理性地分析事情。事實上,與其說我們的生命是有理論以及一大堆密集和復雜的知識系統組合而成,不如說我們的生命是由一個又一個的故事所組成的。的而且確我們不是從理論發展出來。更不能從理論去了解、關懷和滋養自己。理論是我們諒解自己 /別人行為的一些工具。而從每一個個體獨特的經歷的故事中,我們便能理解每一個個體的獨特生命。所以我們的是透過講述及聆聽一些屬於自己及屬於別人的生命故事來確立關心及滋養生命。在基督教,我們的主耶穌就是說故事大師。他非常擅長用比喻來關心別人。這種說故事的特點就是不強迫別人接受,若有人聽了她願意接受的,就得著關懷和滋養。
後現代社會所產生的思想及價值觀,對我們如何去關心別人士帶來一種很大的衝擊。現今多元化的社會堙A我們應該給予別人,包括自己,更大的空間。所以一些活生生的見證以及個人生命的見證,往往被一些理論可能更能夠關心別人的心靈。當我們要關心別人時,聆聽,講故事可能遠比一些學說或理論更有說服力。因為說故事能給予被關懷者一個極大的空間去「傳釋」關懷者的的意義。
所以大部分人能夠接受的關懷,大都是透過個人經歷,故事和見證而來的。現今的時刻,我們必須正視我們在關心別人的土壤中的荊棘和石頭(: 個人主義)。因此我們關心別人的時候必須從別人的角度出發。種一棵關心的樹,要真心的關懷是無法速成的,正如聖經上所說的,要快快的聽,慢慢的說。要在心中種一棵關心的樹,我們需要有長遠的眼光。

2014年8月12日 星期二

10 Mind-Blowing Videos Every Entrepreneur Must Watch

In just a few minutes, a powerful video can help shape your life and chart the direction of your business.

Read more: http://www.inc.com/marla-tabaka/10-mind-blowing-videos-every-entrepreneur-must-watch.html#ixzz3AA1HL4VT


 
When executed well, inspirational, educational, and motivational lectures and lessons are extremely powerful. Why? Because they express what we know, recognize, feel, believe, think, accept, imagine, hope, fear, desire, acknowledge, and/or have experienced as a life truth. They help us to understand that we are not alone and offer the hope we all need to plow through life's challenges to achieve our dreams.
Today I gathered some of my favorite videos in the hope that you will find just the inspiration you need to accomplish your next great thing. Enjoy!

1. The Last Lecture

Dr. Randy Pausch had only months to live when he gave this powerful and uplifting speech. Yes, you read that right: It is uplifting. It's not a talk about death, but rather about how to live.
My favorite quote: "Don't complain, just work harder--you can choose to take your finite time and effort and spend it complaining,- or you can spend it playing the game hard."

2. The Power of Vulnerability

Storyteller/researcher Brene Brown studies human connection: our ability to empathize, belong, and love. This is a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston where she shares deep insights about vulnerability--something every entrepreneur needs to master--and her personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity.
My favorite quote: "There is only one variable between people who really have a sense of worthiness, love, and belonging and the folks who struggle for it. Those people who have a strong sense of belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging."

3. Power of Introverts

Writer and lecturer Susan Cain offers powerful insights on the expectations placed on introverts in a culture that prizes social and outgoing personalities. You'll be pleasantly surprised with her research and discoveries that demonstrate the talent and abilities brought to this world by introverted people.
My favorite quote: "When psychologists look at the lives of the most creative people, what they find is that they are very good at advancing and exchanging ideas, but they also have a serious streak of introversion in them. This is because solitude is a crucial ingredient to creativity."

4. Coca-Cola Security Cameras

This little clip by Coca-Cola is a playful break to boost your confidence in mankind. It will also help to shape your perspective on how you market your brand. Notice that this promotion has little to do with the Coca-Cola brand and everything to do with touching and stimulating your emotions.

5. The Puzzle of Motivation

If you offer incentives and other traditional rewards for performance, you're doing it all wrong. Notable author and ex-chief speechwriter at the White House, Dan Pink, examines the puzzle of motivation and makes a case for rethinking how we run our businesses. He offers a thought-provoking idea for a new operating system for businesses that revolves around three principles: autonomy, mastery, and purpose.
My favorite quote: "So many of our businesses don't work. It's not a feeling, it's not a philosophy, this is a fact. Incentives dull thinking and block creativity."

6. How Great Leaders Inspire Action

Simon Sinek presents a simple but powerful model for how leaders inspire action, starting with a golden circle and the question "Why?" With examples including Apple, Martin Luther King, and the Wright brothers, Sinek will inspire you to connect with the "why" behind what you do.
My favorite quote: "People don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it."

7. Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are

Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shares a very emotional, inspirational life story in this video. You'll see evidence that body language affects how others see us and may also change how we see ourselves. Fascinating research shows how "power poses" can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success.
My favorite quote: "Don't fake it until you make it, fake it till you become it."

8. The Top 10 Mistakes of Entrepreneurs

Guy Kawasaki shares surprising mistakes and misconceptions that you've probably experienced while growing your business. You don't have to run a startup to learn from this one.
My favorite quote: "The moment you take outside money, you have lost control of your company. Fifty one percent is an illusion of control; if you can't deal with that, don't take outside money."

9. The Greatest TED Talk Ever Sold

Filmmaker Morgan Spurlock has placed himself in difficult, even dangerous positions to examine societal issues in a way that make them interesting and entertaining. Here he dives into the hidden, but influential world of brand marketing on his quest to make a completely sponsored film about sponsorship. (And yes, onstage naming rights for this talk were sponsored, too. By whom, and for how much? He'll tell you.)
My favorite quote: "When you train your employees to be risk-averse, you're preparing your whole company to be reward-challenged."

10. All It Takes Is 10 Mindful Minutes

When was the last time you did absolutely nothing for 10 whole minutes? Mindfulness expert Andy Puddicombe will convince you that refreshing your mind for 10 minutes a day will impact your entire life. Meditation will help you gain a different perspective.
My favorite quote: "We spend more time taking care of our clothes and cars than we do our minds."
Thanks to a few of my favorite entrepreneurs for their input: Dan SchawbelRachel Luna, and Shawne Duperon.
What videos have helped to shape the way you think and succeed? Please share!
IMAGE: SHUTTERSTOCK
LAST UPDATED: AUG 11, 2014


Read more: http://www.inc.com/marla-tabaka/10-mind-blowing-videos-every-entrepreneur-must-watch.html#ixzz3AA1MA6ve

2014年8月4日 星期一

75 Inspiring Motivational Quotes on Leadership

Leadership is lonely. No matter how big your team, sometimes it's just you--which means you sometimes need to look inside yourself for motivation and inspiration.
Or you can find personal inspiration from someone who has been there, done that...and done it well.
Here are some of my favorite leadership quotes. Tweet them, share them, but most important, use them to help you become an even better leader than you already are.
  1. "To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart." Eleanor Roosevelt
  2. "The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires." William Arthur Ward
  3. "It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse." Adlai E. Stevenson II
  4. "Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be."Ralph Waldo Emerson
  5. "Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others." Robert Louis Stevenson
  6. "The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things. He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things." Ronald Reagan
  7. "Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women."Groucho Marx
  8. "Don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you're the boss. Or they won't. Who cares? Do your thing, and don't care if they like it." Tina Fey
  9. "Power isn't control at all--power is strength, and giving that strength to others. A leader isn't someone who forces others to make him stronger; a leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own." Beth Revis
  10. "Don't tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results." George S. Patton Jr.
  11. "I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness; the second is frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men." Lao Tzu
  12. "Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it." Dwight D. Eisenhower
  13. "Victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan. John F. Kennedy
  14. "Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things." Peter F. Drucker
  15. "You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand." Woodrow Wilson
  16. "Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." Albert Schweitzer
  17. "Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them." John C. Maxwell
  18. "The mark of a great man is one who knows when to set aside the important things in order to accomplish the vital ones." Brandon Sanderson
  19. "Leadership is not about titles, positions, or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another." John C. Maxwell
  20. "You have to be burning with an idea, or a problem, or a wrong that you want to right. If you're not passionate enough from the start, you'll never stick it out." Steve Jobs
  21. "A leader... is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realizing that all along they are being directed from behind." Nelson Mandela
  22. "Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off." Colin Powell
  23. "Do you know that one of the great problems of our age is that we are governed by people who care more about feelings than they do about thoughts and ideas."Margaret Thatcher
  24. "A leader is a dealer in hope." Napoleon
  25. "The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it."Theodore Roosevelt
  26. "I don't see myself being special; I just see myself having more responsibilities than the next man. People look to me to do things for them, to have answers." Tupac Shakur
  27. "If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see." Henry David Thoreau
  28. "I cannot trust a man to control others who cannot control himself." Robert E. Lee
  29. "The day the soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership." Colin Powell
  30. "Consensus: The process of abandoning all beliefs, principles, values, and policies in search of something in which no one believes, but to which no one objects; the process of avoiding the very issues that have to be solved, merely because you cannot get agreement on the way ahead. What great cause would have been fought and won under the banner: 'I stand for consensus?' " Margaret Thatcher
  31. "A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go, but ought to be." Rosalynn Carter
  32. "There is a difference between being a leader and being a boss. Both are based on authority. A boss demands blind obedience; a leader earns his authority through understanding and trust." Klaus Balkenhol
  33. "You get in life what you have the courage to ask for." Nancy D. Solomon
  34. "In the end, it is important to remember that we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are." Max De Pree
  35. "We're here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark." Whoopi Goldberg
  36. "A leader isn't someone who forces others to make him stronger; a leader is someone willing to give his strength to others so that they may have the strength to stand on their own." Beth Revis
  37. "Always remember, Son, the best boss is the one who bosses the least. Whether it's cattle, or horses, or men; the least government is the best government."Ralph Moody
  38. "If you really want the key to success, start by doing the opposite of what everyone else is doing." Brad Szollose
  39. "Give as few orders as possible," his father had told him once long ago. "Once you've given orders on a subject, you must always give orders on that subject." Frank Herbert (from Dune)
  40. "The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes." Tony Blair
  41. "Wisdom equals knowledge plus courage. You have to not only know what to do and when to do it, but you have to also be brave enough to follow through." Jarod Kintz
  42. "In a battle between two ideas, the best one doesn't necessarily win. No, the idea that wins is the one with the most fearless heretic behind it." Seth Godin
  43. "If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea." Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  44. "Remember teamwork begins by building trust. And the only way to do that is to overcome our need for invulnerability." Patrick Lencioni
  45. "No guts, no story." Chris Brady
  46. "Leadership is an action, not a position." Donald McGannon
  47. "Surround yourself with great people; delegate authority; get out of the way" Ronald Reagan
  48. "I cannot give you a formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: try to please everybody." Herbert Bayard Swope
  49. "Show me the man you honor and I will know what kind of man you are." Thomas John Carlisle
  50. "The challenge of leadership is to be strong but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly." Jim Rohn
  51. "A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason." J.P. Morgan
  52. "If you spend your life trying to be good at everything, you will never be great at anything." Tom Rath
  53. "Average leaders raise the bar on themselves; good leaders raise the bar for others; great leaders inspire others to raise their own bar." Orrin Woodward
  54. "Don't blow off another's candle for it won't make yours shine brighter." Jaachynma N.E. Agu
  55. "Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision." Peter F. Drucker
  56. "When you put together deep knowledge about a subject that intensely matters to you, charisma happens. You gain courage to share your passion, and when you do that, folks follow." Jerry Porras
  57. "A good leader leads the people from above them. A great leader leads the people from within them." M.D. Arnold
  58. "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Martin Luther King, Jr.
  59. "The very essence of leadership is that you have to have vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet." Father Theodore M. Hesburgh
  60. "It is absolutely necessary...for me to have persons that can think for me, as well as execute orders." George Washington
  61. "When eagles are silent, parrots begin to chatter." Winston Churchill
  62. "A leader takes people where they would never go on their own." Hans Finzel
  63. "You don't lead by pointing and telling people some place to go. You lead by going to that place and making a case." Ken Kesey
  64. "A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd." Max Lucado
  65. Become the kind of leader that people would follow voluntarily; even if you had no title or position. Brian Tracy
  66. I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers. Ralph Nader
  67. Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. Publilius Syrus
  68. A great person attracts great people and knows how to hold them together. Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
  69. "My job is not to be easy on people. My job is to take these great people we have and to push them and make them even better." Steve Jobs
  70. People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision. John Maxwell
  71. To have long-term success as a coach or in any position of leadership, you have to be obsessed in some way. Pat Riley
  72. A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit. John Maxwell
  73. A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.George Patton
  74. Earn your leadership every day. Michael Jordan
  75. Success at the highest level comes down to one question: "Can you make the choice that your happiness can come from someone else's success?" No one has qualities like courage, vision, charisma, adaptability, and decisiveness in equal measure. But every great leader does make the same decision--and so can you. Jeff Haden (sorry, couldn't resist)
by 
JEFF HADEN | Columnist
Jeff Haden learned much of what he knows about business and technology as he worked his way up in the manufacturing industry. Everything else he picks up from ghostwriting books for some of the smartest leaders he knows in business.

2014年7月25日 星期五

Good Book

催眠治療:

1. Methods and Uses of Hypnosis and Self-Hypnosis, by Bernard Hollander. 1953年出版的『古書』,但比近年的大量新書,好上了不知多少倍,我不停的看完又看,買不買到,看你有沒有運氣了。(剛在Amazon訂了一本,打算送人)

2. The Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton Erickson Book 1 & 2, by Richard Bandler & John Grinder. 我們的 Master Hypnotherapist 同學必讀的課本,要深入學催眠,不可不讀!(台譯中文版稱作『催眠天書』)

3. Hypnotsim Today, by LeCron & Bordeaux. 另一本更古的『古書』,1949年出版,由艾克森Milton Erickson 賜序;越看舊書,越覺新出版的書藉根本沒有味道。 


NLP:  

1. Magic of NLP Demystified, by Byron Lewis & Frank Pucelik. 不是一本一味只談一大堆NLP技術的書藉,她真的很清晰地解釋NLP的基本概念,包括了我相信很多 NLP Practitioner 甚至是 NLP Trainer 也攪不清楚的基本原則。

2. NLP創立人Richhard Bandler及John Grinder 早期合著的那幾本書籍,全是好書,其中包括 The Structure of Magic, The Structure of Magic II, Frogs into Princes, Reframing:
Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning 等等,其餘大部份的NLP書藉,總是抄來抄去,毫無新意。


Coaching:  

1. The Inner Game of Tennis, by Timothy Gallwey. 這不是一本教練學的專書,但她是教練學鼻祖 Timothy Gallwey 的第一本著作,有了這本有關網球教練的書,才有今天的教練學,不論你想瞭解的是個人教練,還是企業教練,必看!

2. The Inner Game of Work, by Timothy Gallwey. 另一本 Gallwey 有關 Inner Game 的書藉,他把 Inner Game 概念直接應用在工作上,很不錯的教練學的間接參考書。 


Facilitation: How to make Collaboration Work, by David Straus. 這也不是一本直接教授輔引學的書藉,她談的是協作,但輔引學的目的不就是促成協作嗎?書中論及的五大協作原理,基本上就是五大輔引原理。


Systemic Thinking: The Fifth Disciplines, by Peter Senge. 她不是一本合整式思維的書藉,而是一本系統思維 Systems Thinking 的無敵應用參考書,但她卻是一本極為合適的合整思維入門書藉;她曾是暢銷書,雖然現在有點好像過氣,但她的內容絕不會落伍,不看是你的損失。 - See more at: http://www.keithto.ws/2008/07/blog-post_24.html#sthash.E6rrMURA.dpuf


by 
http://www.keithto.ws/2008/07/blog-post_24.html

衝突處理的5種方式

衝突處理的5種方式



何為衝突?在牛津大辭典的解釋是人們之間對不同觀點或信仰的不同意見。在人們的共同生活中,衝突是一種司空見慣的正常現象,長期沒有衝突的關係根本不存在。凡是人們共同活動的領域,總會產生不同意見、不同需求和不同利益的碰撞。如何處理衝突,我們有五種選擇,迴避、退讓、競爭、妥協和合作。

我先用一個橘子故事來簡單解釋一下這5種解決衝突的區別。比如現在有一個橘子,你想要,我也想要。如果我不管不顧,搶先把橘子搶到,這是“競爭”方式;如果我考慮到你更需要這個橘子,故而把橘子讓給你,這是“退讓”;我們都不想爭,大家都不要這個橘子,這是“迴避”;如果我們把橘子掰開,一人一半,這是“妥協”;如果我們能坐下來共同探討為什麼想要這個橘子,原來我要吃橘子肉,你要的是橘子皮做糕點,這樣我們兩個人的需求都得到滿足。這種方式就是“合作”。

這5種處理衝突的方式就是著名的衝突管理的“托馬斯—基爾曼”模型。我們先來看看這5種競爭方式各有什麼特點:

用“競爭”方式處理衝突時,雙方各站在自己的利益上思考問題,各部想讓,一定要分出個勝負、是非曲直來。這種競爭方式的特徵是:正面衝突,直接發生爭論、爭吵,或其他形式的對抗;衝突雙方在衝突中都尋找自我利益而不考慮對他人的影響;競爭的雙方都試圖以犧牲他人的利益為代價來達到自己的目的,為了爭贏而不顧衝突帶來的後果。

和競爭方式相反的是“退讓”,是指在衝突發生時只考慮對方的要求和利益,不考慮或犧牲自己的要求和利益,把對方利益放在自己的利益之上,其行為特點為高度合作,不進攻,願意犧牲自己的目標使對方達到目標,儘管自己有不同意見,但還是支持他人的意見,為了維護相互的關係,一方願意做出自我犧牲。

“迴避”是衝突的雙方既不採取合作也不採取進攻行為,“你不找我,我不找你”,雙方迴避這件事情。迴避方式的特徵是雙方意識到衝突的存在,卻試圖忽略衝突,都不採取任何行動,不發生正面對抗。

第四種處理方式是“妥協”,衝突雙方都有做出讓步,俗話說“你讓三分,我讓三分”雙方都讓出一部分要求和利益,但同時有保存一部分要求和利益。其特點是沒有明顯的贏家和輸家,他們願意共同承擔衝突問題,並接受一種雙方都達不到徹底滿足的解決方案,所以妥協有一個明顯的特點就是雙方都傾向於放棄一些東西。衝突雙方的基本目標能達成,相互之間的關係也能維持良好,衝突能得到暫時解決,也有可能留下了下一次沖突的隱患。

“合作”方式是衝突雙方即考慮和維護自己的要求和利益,又要充分考慮和維護對方的利益,並能最終達成共識。合作方式的特點是衝突雙方相互尊重與信任,對於自己和他人的利益都給予高度關注,衝突雙方坦率溝通,澄清差異,並致力於尋找雙贏的解決辦法。合作的方式能使衝突得到完全消除。

從上面的介紹我們也許會得出一個結論,這5種衝突方法中使用“合作”的方法處理衝突是最好的,那麼我們所有衝突都有合作方法解決不就行了嗎。不,實際工作中的情況要復雜很多。採用合作的方法處理衝突,相對其他解決衝突的方法而言,需要花費的成本要高一些,他需要花很多的時間和精力進行溝通,討論,最好達成共識後才能採取行動,或許,在合作過程中還需要大量的財力物力,在這些條件不允許的情況下,使用合作是不現實的,在實際工作中,我們如何運用著5種解決衝突的技巧呢?

我們知道在工作中有些工作是重要的,有些事不重要的,工作的重要性有大有小,有緊迫的由不緊迫的。我們可以根據工作的性質來決定採取何種衝突的處理方法。


“競爭”,對於那些既有重要性又有緊迫性的問題,我們通常可以採取“競爭”的方式。每當一提起競爭,就會想到兩敗俱傷的結局,就認為是不好的,不可取的。其實並非如此,並不是在任何情況下採取競爭的方式都是不可取的。在有些情況下,競爭策略是十分必要的並且是行之有效的,甚至有些情況選還必須使用競爭方式:比如當處於緊急情況下,需要迅速果斷的做出決策並要及時採取行動;或在公司至關重要的事情或利益上,你明確知道自己是正確的情況下。例如公司為了提高公司業績需要在銷售部門推行銷售業績考核,不達標淘汰制度,這個制度能否貫徹執行下去直接影響到公司的能否在市場上生存下去,在推廣的過程中不管在銷售部有多大的阻力都要嚴格執行下去。

“迴避”是對那些既不重要又不緊迫的問題我們通常可以採取的方法。不要以為迴避就是不負責任,其實在工作中,有時候採取迴避會有意想​​不到的結果。在以下情況我們會採取迴避策略:衝突的事件微不足道,不重要也不緊急;你發現還不到解決問題的時機,收集信息比立刻決策更重要;衝突雙方都在非理性的情緒中;或者處理這個衝突會可能引發一個更大的衝突時。

“退讓”也是那些既不重要又不緊迫的問題我們通常可以採取的方法,選擇退讓並不是說明自己軟弱,或者是害怕對方,我們常說的“退一步海闊天空”就是指這種處理衝突的方法。採用這種方法有時更需要智慧和寬容心。在下面這些情況我們可以嘗試著選擇退讓:當別人給你帶來麻煩,但這種麻煩事你可以承受的,你明知道得到衝突的利益對別人來說比你更重要,維護關係的融洽比理性上的對錯更為重要時, 我們回想一下在我們的家庭生活中夫妻之間的衝突,很多時候為了保持家庭穩定,我們大多會採取退讓的方式來處理,因為這個時候對錯並不重要,良好的關係才是最重要的。

“妥協”是具有緊迫性但不具有重要性的問題通常可以採用妥協方式。當目標十分重要但過於堅持己見可能會造成更壞的後果;當對方做出承諾不在出現類似的問題時,當時間十分緊迫需要採取一個妥協方案時;當為了一個複雜問題達成暫時的和解時我們都可以採取妥協的方式

“合作”是處理重要但不緊急事件時應該採用的方式,合作需要事先的溝通達成共識,既滿足了自己的願望,同時也站在對方的立場上為對方的利益考慮。對以那些重要性很強,但不是特別緊迫的,有時間進行溝通的問題,必須採取這種策略。要達成合作的關鍵點在於雙方不再是衝突的對立面,他們能攜起手來,站在同一戰線上共同來面對他們遇到的問題。有了相互認同這個前提方能進行下一步的溝通,通過積極傾聽,提問,反饋這些溝通技巧找出衝突的根本原因和對方真實深層需求並努力尋找共同的利益點,創新性的尋找大家都認可的解決方案。

衝突是我們生活的一部分,我們大多數人都會形成自己應對沖突的習慣性處理方法。今天我們共同學習了5種處理衝突的方式,當我們再次面對沖突時,我們可以先停下來想一想,我現在處理的衝突是什麼樣的衝突,我的處理方式還有別的更好的選擇嗎?

發表於 2011年03月4日 由 週 靜守(Sophia)